In the Ghetto
by CCWaT
Summary: EO: On her way home, Olivia finds a little girl who has been raped. Unable to find her parents Olivia takes her into her home to be her foster mom. Deals with self-harm in chapter 9 . Please R&R: This is my first L&O SVU FF.
1. Chapter 1

**Fandom: L&O SVU**

**Disclaimer: All belongs to Dick Wolf and NBC and all the other people who create it… ah… If I owned them, SVU would be a lot different :P**

**This chapter is for NettieC… thanks for all the things you did for me in the last weeks :)**

**----------------------------------------------------------------In The Ghetto ------------------------------------------------------------------- **

Olivia was on her way home from work when she decided to take a little walk through Central Park.

Their last case was pretty hard and she needed to calm down. A young disabled woman had been raped and beaten to death and the man who did it was still free. His lawyer claimed they didn't have enough evidence to put him behind bars and he was right, they couldn't prove his client was the murderer. Cases like this really bothered Olivia as it showed just how unfair this world was sometimes.

Still wrapped in her own thoughts, Olivia heard a whimper from behind the bushes she was walking past. She stood a moment just to check if there really was a noise. Then she heard it again. She walked over to the bushes and was shocked with what she saw there.

A little girl, around ten, covered in blood. Her skirt and her panties were pulled down to her knees. Instantly Olivia knelt down beside the little girl but she only heard "please help me" before the girl lost conscious.

Olivia quickly pulled out her cell to call an ambulance. She dialled 911 and waited for the dispatcher to pick up.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"This is Detective Benson, SVU. I'm in Central Park near the entry at 5th Ave and E86th Street. I have a ten year old female victim. Appears to have been raped, and has multiple cuts and abrasions over her body. She was conscious when I found her but is now unconscious. I'll carry her to the 5th Ave entrance, so send the bus to meet me. Please hurry!"

"Okay, ma'am, a bus is on its way."

After Olivia rang off she felt for the pulse of the girl who was still unconscious and it was barely there. As she realized how cold this dark and grey December night was she pulled off her jacket and wrapped it around the girl. Then she stood up and carried the girl to meet the bus.

The whole time they waited Olivia talked to her.

"Honey, you have to be strong, help's coming and I'll be there for you."

Shortly afterwards the ambulance arrived and the paramedics took over. On the way to Mercy General the girl didn't wake up but Olivia held her little hand the whole time.

As soon as they arrived at the hospital, they sent the child straight to surgery to try to stop the bleeding. When they got to the OR Olivia had to wait outside. A nurse came out after a long while and told her the girl had lost a lot of blood and that she didn't know how much longer the surgery would take. She promised she would inform her as soon as everything was done. She also told her that they would send the rape kit over to the lab of the SVU.

Olivia had just sat down on one of those uncomfortable hospital chairs when Elliot rushed into the waiting room.

"Hey Liv", he greeted her. "I got your message. What happened?"

"Oh El… I was on my way home from work and decided to go through Central Park and I heard something behind the bushes. That's when I found her. It looks really bad. It seems she was raped and the guy who did this tried to kill her. She has cuts all over her body. It looks like he tried to stab her. Someone has thrown her away as if she's just waste. If I find this SOB– and I will –I don't know what I'll do to him."

"Oh god, Liv! What do we do next?"

"I don't know. I'll wait now till they're done with the surgery and see if I can talk to her, at least get a name…somewhere to start." Tears filled her eyes at the thought of the battered and abused little girl.

Elliot pulled her in a comforting hug and they waited together for three more hours until a doctor came into the waiting room.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Montgomery. We're done now with the surgery. It looks good for her. We stitched all her cuts and none of them were too deep or affected important organs. She should make a full recovery and be discharged in three or four days. Do you know her name so we can inform her parents?"

"No, I'm sorry. I just found her", Olivia said.

"We'll take a picture and send it over to TV stations and newspapers. Someone has to recognize her", Elliot offered.

"Yeah, good idea", Olivia said. "How is she now? Can I talk to her?"

"No, you can't. We gave her pretty heavy painkillers and a sedative but you should be able to talk to her tomorrow when she wakes up. I can take you to her now so you can check on her." Both followed the doctor until they arrived on the 4th floor, room 126, where she was lying. The doctor left them and they both had time to think about the situation. They stood in the corridor and looked into the room.

"We should give her a name, just until she wakes up. It's stupid to talk about 'the girl'. What's about Siobhan?" Olivia said.

"Aww… no Liv. I think Emily fits better to her."

"Okay, good idea."

Both looked through the window at Emily who, with her blond hair, seemed as if she was a sleeping angel. Then Olivia went into Emily's room, took a chair, sat down next to her and held her hand.

"Honey, everything is going to be okay. I'll be here for you. You're at the hospital now. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

Elliot entered the room.

"Liv, you need to get some rest. Go home, have a shower and sleep and then you can come back tomorrow morning." "No, I'll stay here. I don't want her to be alone when she wakes. You need to go home to Kathy and the kids. Tomorrow I'll come to the precinct to check with Melinda, see if she has any results from the rape kit. Go home, Elliot, please, I'm fine here."

"Okay, see you tomorrow then."

He gave her a slight hug and left.

It didn't take long until Olivia fell asleep on Emily's bed, head resting on her blanket.

**tbc.**

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**A/N: So… this is my first FF for SVU… I haven't written anything before so please don't be too hard with your feedback… and please give me feedback… it will make me update a lot faster!! **

**Maybe I should also mention that I've only seen around 35 episodes of SVU… But at the moment I am trying to watch all Seasons :) If you can recommend any episodes, go ahead…**

**This first chapter was hard because I didn't know how to start the whole thing. But I promise it will be better in further chapters. **

**I don't know at the moment how fast I can update as I've loads of exams in January and my grandma is very ill in hospital but in three weeks I have holidays and then I'll continue to write, I promise. This story is only typed till chapter 3. But written to Chapter 6 ;)**

**The title I used is from a song from Elvis Presley… I love that song… and in later chapters I'll also use the lyrics… so I think now I've talked enough ;)**

**Please click on the blue button below and review. Thanks.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: All belongs to Dick Wolf and NBC and all the other people who create it… ah… If I owned them, SVU would be a lot different :P**

**Chapter 2:**

**This chapter is for xXBlissfulCursesXx … for all the nice chats we had in the old year in MSN :)**

The next morning, 7:30am

A nurse entered the room and saw both sleeping peaceful. She went to Olivia and softly touched her shoulder to wake her up.

"Ms Benson, you have to wake up. The doctor will be in shortly to check the girl."

When Olivia felt the touch, she yawned and stretched her arms.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep. I just…"

"Don't worry, that's fine."

In that moment Dr. Montgomery entered the room. While Olivia went out to get some coffee, the doctor checked the stitched cuts on Emily and the heart monitor. As everything was fine he told the nurse to start a new IV as the vein they were using at the moment wasn't working very well. As he went to leave, Olivia came back with her coffee.

"How's everything?"

"Everything's fine. The sedative is still working but I expect that she'll wake up in one to two hours. Then maybe she can tell us something, like her name or what happened or if she needs more painkillers… we'll see. You can go home now. You did everything you could," the doctor said, looking back to the bed.

"No, I want to stay until she wakes up and then try to talk to her," Olivia said, sitting back in her chair. "Hopefully my partner is coming in with some news. The photo the hospital took last night has already appeared in all newspapers and TV stations and hopefully someone will call and tell us who she is."

"Good luck. I hope they find her parents soon. My other patients are waiting but I'll catch up later."

With those words Dr Montgomery went onto the next room and Olivia went back to Emily. She sat half an hour more at her bed watching the child sleeping, then she saw her eyes flutter open.

Scared Emily looked at Olivia and then at her new surroundings. Her whole body was shaking. Olivia took her hand and spoke very quietly to her.

"Honey, you're safe here. You're at the hospital. My name is Olivia, what's yours?"

The little girl said nothing.

"I found you yesterday in the park; do you remember how you got there?" Olivia asked but Emily reminded silent. Olivia tried to talk to her for more than an hour but she just lay there, looking out of the window, eyes filled with tears and sobbing silently. The doctor who came in had no luck in getting her to talk either.

"Honey, you need to tell me what happened so that I can help you. At least tell me your name so we can find your parents. Please. I'm sure they miss you."

The girl still didn't give any response to Olivia, so she excused herself and told her that she would be back in a few minutes.

She went out of the building to call Elliot with her cell. After the second ring he picked up at the precinct.

"Olivia, what's up?"

"Elliot, she woke up. Emily woke up. She refuses to talk to me, the doctor or the hospital counsellor. I can't leave her alone I just can't. She has no one who cares for and I want her to have someone to talk to as soon as she's ready. Do you have any news for me? Did anyone call about her picture?"

"No Liv, I'm sorry. Her picture appears every hour on the news and was also printed in several newspapers this morning but no one has called yet. But I'm sure we soon get some information. I've also contacted all Missing Persons agencies but nothing there either.

"And what's about the rape kit? Had Melinda got something for us?"

"Yes."

"And what's the result?"

"I'm sorry Liv, but… she… she has been raped. Melinda also found sperm in her panties and she ran the DNA but she didn't get a result. I'm sorry", he said again as he heard Olivia quietly cry on the other end. "We'll find that guy who did this Liv, we will. I'm sure about that."

"Yeah, I know. It's just… she's only ten or younger and doesn't deserve it."

"None of the victims deserve any of what they go through."

"Yeah, I know El, listen I have to go back to her. She needs my support."

"Okay, I'll come over later. Bye."

"Bye."

With that Olivia rang off and went back into Emily's room who was still lying there and staring out of the window.

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**tbc.**

**A/N: Thank you all so much for all the reviews I received for my first chapter. It made me really happy as I didn't expect to get so many.   
I also have to apologize to all where I sent a reply to their comments… I got a big grammar mistake in… instead of "Thank you for review" "I should have written "Thank you for YOUR review". I'm sorry… I don't know where I was with my mind…  
Only five exams and a few little tests left so hopefully I'll have loads of time to write/type/update the next weeks… I'm planning to write around 20 chapters ;)**

Oh and I have a little question about an episode of L&O SVU: I've seen in a lot of music videos on youtube that one guy is punching Olivia in her face and Elliot arrests him then… does anyone which episode or at least season this is? Want to see that episode ;)

Please keep reviewing! It brightens my day :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to my Beta Reader!! **

**Chapter 3**

**Disclaimer: All belongs to Dick Wolf and NBC and all the other people who create it… ah… If I owned them, SVU would be a lot different :P**

**This one is for** **those who have reviewed so far :) You guys rock!!! Keep reviewing**

The next two days went on like the first one. Olivia tried to talk to the child but didn't get any answers. She only went home for a few hours to sleep, to shower and change and then to the precinct to check on any developments

No one had called to give them information yet. She just didn't understand it. Someone had to know her. Even if it was only a teacher from the elementary school she went to, or a neighbour… but no one did. Even Missing Persons had turned up nothing.

On the third day she tried again to get the answers to all her questions but it didn't work so she tried another way.

"Do you want me to read you a fairytale?" Olivia asked, she didn't expect an answer but when the girl said a quiet "yes" it was a huge relief for Olivia. It was a beginning. Only a little one but at least it was one.

"Honey, you spoke to me. That's great. I knew you could do it. Which one do you want to hear?"

"Cinderella."

Throughout the rest of the afternoon Olivia read Cinderella six times until they were really tired.

------------------------------------------------EO-----------------------------------------------

That evening Olivia went to find Dr. Montgomery to tell him the great news. When he spotted her at the end of the hallway he started to smile.

"Ms Benson, got anything for me?"

"Yeah, Emily started to talk today. It was only a quiet "yes" but I think she's started to trust me. I'm so happy about it. That shows she's on the road of recovery now, doesn't it?"

"Yes I think so. Maybe we should send the counsellor in again tomorrow, maybe she trusts her enough to talk to her too. But Ms Benson there's something else we need to talk about."

Olivia gave him only a questioning look.

"Emily is okay now. I mean not psychologically but physically. The cuts are all fine so far and she's doing well. The Hospital Board says she's well enough to be discharged and if you can't find her parents we have to call ACS and put her in foster care. We can't do anything further for her."

"No, I mean that's not true. You can't do that. We don't know her real name, her age or anything else about her. No one knows what she went through the night I found her. You can't throw her away like garbage. She's all alone."

"I know Ms Benson but she doesn't need any further medical treatment from the hospital. She's physically fine and I'm sorry but if you don't find her parents or relatives then you must accept that tomorrow someone from ACS will pick her up and put her into care."

Olivia threw him an angry look and left without any words. She went outside; she needed the cold air.

After a while she realised she was freezing and decided to call Elliot. She didn't note how late it really was and was surprised when he sounded very tired as he picked up.

"Stabler."

"El, it's me, Liv."

"Do you know how late it is Liv? It's half past eleven. I had two long days at work, I need some sleep. Did anything happen?"

"I'm sorry for waking you. I just spoke to the doctor and he told me that if we don't find her parents by tomorrow morning he'll call ACS. We have to do something Elliot. I don't know what but she started to speak today and if I leave her now…"

"Liv, calm down. I know it's hard but we even don't know her real name. I don't know what else we could do to help her. What did she say?"

"Only "yes" but I think that's a beginning it shows that she trusts me. El. please help me now. I've spent almost every minute of the last three days at the hospital, I can't give up now."

"I'm sorry Liv but we already did everything we can. Please go home now and see what tomorrow brings."

With those words Elliot rang off and Olivia stood there, all alone.

---------------------------------------------------EO------------------------------------------------

When she came back into Emily's room to pick up her clothes Emily was still awake.

"Please, don't leave", she begged.

"You want me to stay tonight?"

"Yes please. I don't wanna be alone. I'm scared when it's dark and…" with that Emily started to cry.

"Hey honey, everything's going to be okay. I'm here for you. I promise I won't leave you."

The next few minutes Olivia sat on Emily's bed, hugging her.

"I really want to help you but you have to tell me a few things, okay?"

The little girl nodded.

"What's your name?"

"Lindsay."

"Lindsay? Oh that's a beautiful name. And what's your last name?"

"I don't know."

"Why don't you know… I mean everyone has a last name. My one's Benson. And my first name is Olivia. But you can call me Liv if you want. That's what my partner always does."

"Who is your partner?"

"Um… his name is Elliot. He works with me for the NYPD too. Do you want to see a picture from him?"

"Yes."

Olivia rummaged around in her bag until she found her purse and pulled a picture of Elliot out. It was already a few months old, from the last summer party they had in Central Park, but he looked beautiful in that picture and she just had to keep it.

Lindsay gave his picture only a short glance and then looked at Olivia again.

While Olivia put the picture back on its place, Lindsay slid closer to her.

"Please don't leave me."

"I won't honey. I promised you I'd stay with you tonight and I'm not going to break my promise. I'll be here for you. You want to answer a few more questions?"

"I don't know…"

"We'll try, okay? What are the names of your Mommy and Daddy? I'm sure they miss you and want to have you back."

"I don't have a Mom or a Dad. They're dead."

"I'm sorry. What happened?"

"I don't know. Liv, I don't like this… I don't want to do this any longer."

"Only a few more, okay? I need to find out what happened to you. You can't stay in the hospital forever. How old are you? Or do you know when your birthday is?"

"No… Liv please stop it. I don't know."

"I'm sure you know when your birthday is. Every girl loves to celebrate their birthday."

"No, I never did. Please… I'm tired."

"What happened on the night I found you? Where did you live before I found you? If your parents are dead then someone else took care of you, but who? Please, I only can help you and stay with you if you talk to me."

But Lindsay's body started to shake again and she cried very hard so Olivia gave up trying to find out more for the night.

Both fell asleep very quickly in Lindsay's bed and didn't wake up before the next morning.

**tbc.**

**A/N: So only two weeks till I have holidays and only 3 exams left I'll be so glad when it's over. Then I'll have at least 3 weeks of spare time and I can do again all my favourite things like watching TV, reading books and writing fan fiction :P**

**I have another question ;) Last night I watched episode 3 of Season 9 or at least I believe it was episode three, the reason I was so confused is that in Episode 1,2 and 4 Olivia has short hair but in this episode she has long hair. Can anyone explain it? **

**Okay so enjoy your weekends and keep reviewing! Reviews make me really happy!! I should be able to update Tuesday****/Wednesday:)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

**Disclaimer: All belongs to Dick Wolf and NBC and all the other people who create it… ah… If I owned them, SVU would be a lot different :P**

**This one's for my friend Kathi :) I miss you… Scotland is so far away…**

The next morning Olivia woke up because someone shook her very hard.

She yawned and stretched her arms and when she opened her eyes a young woman, she thought she was around 28, stood in front of her.

"I'm Mrs Johnson. I'm from ACS. Dr Montgomery called me this morning. He said that this girl has no family and she needs to be put her into a foster home. Please wake her up and tell her that she has to dress very quickly. I have other kids to care for today too and my time is limited. I'll wait outside."

With that Mrs Johnson turned around.

"Um, wait a minute. It's not that easy. This girl has been raped and you can't take her away that easy. I've been there for her the last few days and I'll do everything in my power to make sure you don't put her in some random foster home and only check on her once a month."

"Ms…"

"Benson."

"Ms Benson that's a decision you can't make. When we get the call, we come, pick the children up and that's all. If you don't want to wake her then tell me, I can do that too."

"No that's fine. Just… wait outside." Olivia gave her one last angry look and turned then around to wake the sleeping Lindsay.

"Honey, you have to wake up. You go to a new home today."

"No, I don't want to go. Olivia, no, you promised to be here for me," Lindsay screamed.

"Please honey, I promise we'll meet as often as possible but please dress now so that we can go. I don't want you to leave either but there's no other possibility at the moment. Please trust me."

"No, Olivia, please no!"

Lindsay started shaking again and Olivia couldn't do anything else but hug the crying girl.

"I promise I'll find your family but please go with Mrs Johnson now. I promise you can call me as often as you want and I'll come to visit you."

"NO!" she yelled.

"Please… please dress now. I promise I'll go with you the whole way to your new family, okay?"

"No, Liv go."

Olivia went to the bag Mrs Johnson brought with her when she came with new clothes for Lindsay.

Without saying a word she dressed Lindsay and tried to wash her wet face. But she didn't stop crying.

When they walked into the corridor Lindsay saw Mrs Johnson and tried to run away but Olivia kept holding her little hand. Then Lindsay started to scream and hit out at everything around her. A few nurses stopped to help but Olivia wrapped Lindsay in her arms and held her tight.

"Shh… everything's going to be okay. Please calm down."

"Noooo, I don't want to go with her. Please let go of me."

Olivia couldn't take seeing Lindsay so upset any longer and went to the impatient Mrs Johnson.

"This girl won't go with you. You see she's scared and she won't go with you. Do what you have to do but I'll take care of her."

"You don't have the permission to play foster mommy. And what will your boss say when you start to play foster mommy to every victim you save? But it's your decision. You get the problems. So have fun with that crazy girl."

With an angry look at both of them she left the hospital.

Olivia and Lindsay stood there a few more minutes until Doctor Montgomery came to them.

"That wasn't very helpful. You would have done better if you'd have given Lindsay to her and kept doing your job. What will you do next?"

"I don't know. Just give me the discharge papers and I'll sign them. And then I'll see what I'll do with her."

After signing the papers both left the hospital.

---------------------------------------------------EO---------------------------------------------------

An hour later they reached the 16th precinct. When they entered the whole team was sitting at their desks.

Elliot looked up and was quite surprised to see both of them.

"Liv, what are you doing here? And why is she with you? Shouldn't she be in hospital?"

"No I signed her out. The doctor called ACS this morning, they came to get her but she didn't want to go with them so now she's with me."

"And what do you wanna do now? I mean you can't bring her to work and you can't take her home. Please be reasonable, Olivia, and take her to ACS. They'll find a good family for her and you can visit her. What you're doing now is no solution."

"I'm not crazy Elliot. I know what I'm doing. And believe me it's the right thing."

With that Olivia took Lindsay to Huang's office.

"Honey, please stay with him while I'm talking to my boss. I'll be back in a few minutes and then we go home to my place, okay?"

Lindsay nodded and sat down in the chair next to her.

Huang gave her a questioning look but then he realized who this girl was.

Olivia headed to Cragen's office. She knocked on his door and without waiting for any response she opened it.

"Boss, I need to talk to you…"

"Olivia. Sit down. What can I do for you?"

"I need a few days off. I think one week will be enough."

"Why? Do you have any problems? Is something up with Simon?"

"No, it's about Lindsay… they wanted to put her into foster care but I couldn't do that to her. I told the lady from ACS I'd take care of her. I'm the only one she trusts and I need to find out what happened to her. Please boss, say yes."

"Olivia, you can't do that. Imagine if tomorrow you find another girl in Central Park. You wanna do the same then?"

"I would. Please. She trusts me. And I know something terrible happened to her. When she starts to open up then I can help her. And as soon as we find her parents I'll give her back. Only a few days, please. It's four days until Christmas and I don't want to put her into a family she doesn't know. Please!"

"What if I say no?"

"Just say yes."

"I see… you won't stop harassing me. Take her with you, but no longer than one week. I will see you after Christmas in the precinct again - without her. If we don't find her parents by then you have to give her to ACS."

After a short moment Olivia said yes. She thanked Cragen for his support and then went to pick Lindsay up from Huang's office.

"Did she say anything?"

"No she didn't. What are you going to do now?"

"I'll take her with me. The boss said yes. Hopefully I find out what happened. Any idea how I can get her to talk about it?

"She trusts you, Olivia, everything else will come in its own time."

Olivia gave him a little smile and took Lindsay's hand and they left for home.

**tbc.**

**A/N: Hey guys I'm sorry that it took me so long to update but I've been quite busy in the last few days. I hope I'll be able to update again this weekend but as Monday is my last exam I'll probably be studying. And I haven't had time to type the last days so hopefully I'll be able to do it before the weekend comes.**

**Another question ;) Does anyone know how the writers strike in Hollywood affects L&O SVU? All my favourite TV shows don't air anymore (only reruns) and it seems though SVU has lots of episodes left. I'm always open to new information :)**

**I hope you all liked this chapter, when I wrote it originally in my notebook it was only one week till Christmas and as I didn't post this story earlier you'll read the Christmas celebrations for Olivia and Lindsay in the next chapters :)**

**Keep reviewing I expect at least 10 reviews for this chapter. I get addicted to reviews :P **


	5. Chapter 5

**Special thanks goes to NettieC!!**

**Disclaimer: All belongs to Dick Wolf and NBC and all the other people who create it… ah… If I owned them, SVU would be a lot different :P**

**Chapter 5:**

**This one's for ****girlinterrupted22, just because :)**

It was already late afternoon when they arrived at Olivia's apartment. As soon as Olivia opened the door, Lindsay ran inside her apartment and looked around.

"Wow, you have a really big apartment. I like it a lot." Lindsay said with a smile on her face.

"Thank you. What do you think about me making some sandwiches now and then we can go into town for some shopping? I think you'll need a few new clothes as you don't have anything but the ones you're wearing at the moment. And you're staying here now for at least a week."

"Yes, that sounds good," Lindsay said.

While Olivia prepared the sandwiches Lindsay looked around Olivia's home a little bit more. When she was done she came back into the kitchen to Olivia.

"Where will I sleep?"

Olivia, who was wrapped in her own thoughts, didn't hear Lindsay at first. So Lindsay came over to her and pulled at her pullover.

"Olivia!"

"Mmh, what?"

"I asked you where I'll sleep."

"I don't know. I thought that you could sleep in my bedroom and meanwhile I move onto the couch in the living room. So you have your own room and a big bed."

"But I don't want to sleep all alone."

"You won't be alone honey, I'll be right there for you. And if you want we can leave the door a little bit open to the living room so you'll hear me and see the light, okay?"

"Maybe…I don't know."

"We'll try tonight, okay? And if it doesn't work we'll find a new solution."

"Okay."

"Now, sit down and we can eat our sandwiches."

Lindsay did as Olivia told her and half an hour later both were ready to go shopping.

They went through a few stores but didn't find anything that fit Lindsay. She was very slim and too short for her age so everything they tried didn't look good on her.

After leaving yet another shop Lindsay started complaining.

"Liv, I'm tired. I don't want to do any more shopping. I want to go home, please. I don't need new clothes," she begged.

"We'll only try a few more okay? You need at least pyjamas, a pair of trousers and a few pullovers. It's very cold at the moment. If we don't find anything in the next two shops we'll go home and start tomorrow again, okay?"

"Only one more", she begged.

"Okay Lindsay, one more and then we can go looking for a Christmas tree. And when we find one we can go home, okay?"

"Yeah, that's fine."

Half an hour later they had two pairs of trousers, six pullovers, a warm jacket, some underwear, socks and pyjamas for Lindsay.

Olivia smiled to herself when she thought how easy it was to persuade Lindsay to stay shopping after promising her a Christmas tree.

While they walked back along the streets they came past Rockefeller Center.

Lindsay's eyes were huge as she looked at the beautifully decorated Christmas tree.

"Olivia, that's wonderful. We need to decorate ours just like it."

"Haven't you seen the tree at Rockefeller Center before?"

"No. I don't remember seeing it before. It's so beautiful." And with a bright shine in Lindsay's eyes they walked on.

Forty five minutes later they arrived at a yard selling Christmas trees. It wasn't far from Olivia's apartment, so she thought it would be easy to carry the tree home. Olivia let Lindsay decide which tree they would get and after looking at six trees Lindsay pointed at one.

Olivia paid for the tree and as she hadn't have a Christmas tree for years they also went to a little store near Olivia's apartment to buy some decorations. After looking at all sorts of decorations, Lindsay chose the ones in gold and purple. When they were done at the store they went straight home.

After arriving at the apartment Lindsay went to the bathroom and Olivia saw that she had three new messages on her answering machine. She listened to them and decided that they weren't important. She had the whole week free so she didn't bother much about work.

She heard the bathroom door opened and a minute later Lindsay was standing next to her in the living room.

"Would you like a hot chocolate? Then we can make the bed for you and you can put your new clothes in my wardrobe. And then, if it's not too late, we could watch some DVDs… what do you think?"

"Sounds good."

While they drank their hot chocolate in the living room Olivia noticed Lindsay looked very sad.

"Honey, what's going on? Is there something you wanna talk about? You know we still need to talk about the night I found you." Olivia sighed, she knew they only had a week together before Lindsay would be taken into care and she needed to get as much information as possible before that happened.

"Liv, please stop. I don't want to talk about that night. I miss Charlie."

"Who's Charlie?"

"My teddy bear. I think I lost him but I can't remember where he is. I can't sleep without him."

"But you were able to sleep without him at the hospital."

"You were there for me. But I really need Charlie. He misses me, I can feel it."

"And what do you think about getting a new Charlie?" Olivia asked handing her a small bear Lizzie had given her.

"But this is not Charlie then. I need my one."

"Wait here a minute, okay? I'll have a look and see if I can find something much better."

Olivia went into her bedroom and opened her wardrobe. She remembered she still had the box she found in her mom's apartment after her death. Her mom had kept loads of stuff from her childhood and she was sure there should be a teddy bear and a few dolls.

She rummaged around in the box and started smiling when she found what she was looking for. There was Marty, her teddy bear from when she was little.

She took the bear and two of her favourite dolls in her hands and went back into the living room.

"Sweetheart, look what I just found. Do you think it will be a good substitute for Charlie? He's called Marty."

Lindsay started to smile and her eyes had again this bright shine. She jumped off the couch and ran over to Olivia.

"Thank you so much Liv. I like him and I think I can sleep with him." Then she pointed to the dolls. "Can I have them as well?"

"Of course."

Lindsay gave Olivia a big hug and Olivia felt she was on the right road to find a way into Lindsay.

**tbc.**

**A/N: Hey guys I'm so sorry I haven't updated earlier but I didn't feel very well the last week and I had almost no time to type or do anything else. Holidays have finally arrived so hopefully I'll have enough time this week to type and update. **

**Thanks for all the PMs I've received and sorry that I didn't reply to them. I really appreciate that people ask me what's going on and why I don't update. Big thanks goes to kalleybaby6006, btw the next chapter is for you ;) **

**And now comes the question I ask every chapter ;)**

**Does anyone know an episode where a girl self harms or where this is a big subject and the team knows about it? Would be helpful then I would see how they react to it.**

**I'll try to update again this week but I can't promise I will. But I'll do my best. **

**Please keep reviewing. If I get loads of reviews I'll update very fast ;)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

**Disclaimer: All belongs to Dick Wolf and NBC and all the other people who create it**

**Hey all, the reviews are great and thanks to everyone who's alerted - it would be great to hear from you all too.**

**Spoilers for 9x14 "Inconceivable"**

**This one's for kalleybaby6006 :)**

December 25, 8am

"Olivia, Liv, wake up. It's Christmas and you have to get up."

"Mmh", was the only thing Olivia said before she turned over to get some more sleep.

The last three days had been really exhausting for her. She wasn't used to being a mom and the tasks it brought with it. She slept on the couch and it was really hard for her. The first two nights she had slept with Lindsay in her bed as Lindsay didn't want to sleep alone. She was afraid of the dark and had lots of nightmares. The more Olivia tried to find out what happened that night to her the more Lindsay closed herself off.

She had called Huang to ask for advice but he just told her she was doing the right thing.

On the third night Lindsay Olivia snuck out of her bedroom after Lindsay fell asleep. And it worked, so Lindsay slept in the bed alone, with the door open to the living room where Olivia slept on the couch.

Yesterday they had loads of fun decorating the tree and it seemed as Lindsay was on the road to recovery. Olivia still had to change the plasters on Lindsay's stitched cuts every day but they were healing nicely.

"OLIVIA!" Lindsay said again. Olivia turned around and yawned. It was useless to try to get some more sleep. It was Christmas and she new that Lindsay wouldn't go to bed again.

"Good morning honey. Merry Christmas, Lindsay."

"Merry Christmas, Olivia. Can I open my presents now?"

"How do you know Santa brought you some?"

"'cause I can see them lying under the tree. Three. And they are wrapped in Christmas paper. Please Olivia," Lindsay said with a quick look to the tree.

"Okay you can open them. You wouldn't stop harassing me if I said no."

And fast as Olivia could look, Lindsay was away from her and near the tree to open her presents.

Her eyes sparkled when she opened the first one. In there she found a CD with the soundtrack of The Lion King. Olivia and Lindsay had watched the movie two days ago and when she glanced at Lindsay she saw that she really liked music.

The next box Lindsay opened contained a Barbie.

"Oh Olivia, thank you so much. Those are the best Christmas presents I've ever received."

The last one Lindsay opened contained a teddy bear.

Lindsay took the bear out and ran over to Olivia.

"Thank you so much for bringing me Charlie back Olivia. Thanks." Both were lying on the couch now, hugging each other.

"That's fine honey, I'm glad you like them all."

"Yeah, a lot. Especially now that I have Charlie back," Lindsay said with a smile.

Lindsay had talked loads about her Charlie in recent days and so Olivia had called Elliot to find out what teddy bear she needed. She gave him an exact description of the bear, everything Lindsay had told her, and Elliot knew at once what she wanted. The twins had the same and so he bought one for Lindsay. Olivia was glad everything had worked out so well and that Lindsay didn't see she had a completely new bear instead of her real Charlie.

"What do you think about making some breakfast now and going then for a walk?"

"Yeah, that sounds okay. Is it okay if I go get dressed first?

"Yeah that's fine. I have to get dressed myself as well and then make breakfast."

While preparing breakfast Olivia remembered that she only had two days left with Lindsay. Although everyone from her team were still searching to find information about her or to find a relative they hadn't succeeded.

She already thought about other things to do so they wouldn't take Lindsay from her but couldn't find any good solutions. She didn't want her to go into a foster home. She was weak and she was sure Lindsay wouldn't feel safe there. But she couldn't keep her as she had a job and wasn't qualified to be a mom. She had been turned down at an adoption agency in the past and knew that would also count against her.

"OLIVIIIIIAAAAAA, help me", came a scream from the bedroom. Olivia ran to the bedroom, wondering what on earth had happened.

"Honey, what's going on?" she asked Lindsay when she saw her sitting on the bed, looking up with wide open eyes at the wardrobe.

"There… there's a spider… in your wardrobe… a big huge black spider. Kill it, please."

"That's all? You're screaming because of a spider?"

"Yes. Please get rid of it. I don't like them"

Olivia went over to the wardrobe and opened the door. On one of her shirts was sitting a very little black spider. Olivia took the spider in her hand, went over to the window, she opened it and threw the spider out of it.

"What if she's crawling up the wall and comes again into my room?"

"It won't. I threw it out of the window and now it's going into the flat of our neighbours, okay?"

"Yes. But please stay with me while I dress. What if her spider babies are sitting under the other shirts?"

"Okay but please hurry up."

Ten minutes later Lindsay was dressed with Olivia's help and both had breakfast.

After breakfast they went to Battery Park. They stayed there for two hours, then Lindsay became again hungry.

"Liv, I'm hungry."

"Sweetie, we just had breakfast. It's not lunch time yet."

"But I'm really, really hungry. And I have to go pee."

"Oh Lindsay…" With a smile on her face Olivia took Lindsay in her arms and they went to the next subway station.

Twenty minutes later they arrived at the subway station near Olivia's apartment.  
When they came out of the underground a "Wendy's" was just on the opposite of the street.

"What do you think of going to Wendy's?"

"I love that idea", Lindsay said with a smile.

When they entered it, Olivia went first with Lindsay to the bathroom as Lindsay didn't want to go alone. After that they ordered some foot and sat down in a quiet corner to eat.

"What do you wanna do next?"

"I don't know. Is there a playground near your flat?"

"Yes, if I remember right there should be one a block away from my apartment. Do you wanna go there after lunch?"

"Yes, and you have to push me while I'm sitting on the swing…"

"Are you sure I'll do this?"

"Of course."

After a short walk they reached the playground.

Time flew by and when Olivia looked the next time on her watch is was already 3:30pm.

"Liiiindsssayyy", Olivia shouted over the whole playground. "Time to go home."

"No, Livia, I don't wanna go home already."

"But it is very cold and I think it's too cold to stay any longer outside. I think we should go home now, I'll make a hot chocolate and we can play with your new Barbie if you want."

"Ooookay. But tomorrow we come here again, please, promise it."

"Okay, tomorrow we'll come here again. I promise."

---------------------------------------EO----------------------------------------

Christmas Day had been a long and tiring one for them both and by nine Lindsay was sound asleep in bed and Olivia was curled up on the sofa ready to make two important phone calls. She wanted to ring the boss and Elliot to talk to them about Lindsay. Lindsay was already in bed and Olivia had checked twice to make sure she was sleeping. They had a wonderful day. When they came back in the afternoon they had their hot chocolate and played till the late afternoon with Lindsay's Barbie and Olivia's dolls. Then Olivia had made dinner and they had a pillow fight so Lindsay was very tired. She smiled when she thought back of that day.

She sat onto the couch in the living room and dialled Don's number. After it had rung three times, he picked up.

"Cragen."

"Don, it's me, Olivia. We need to talk. It's about Lindsay."

"Did something happen to her?"

"No she's fine. She's still staying with me. We had a nice Christmas. It's more about… I don't know Don, it's hard to explain. I know you gave me the deadline to take her to the foster home but I think I can't do it. I've gotten close to her and she trusts me and I don't know… I feel responsible for her. Please don't take her away from me. I'll call ACS Thursday and do what I have to do to officially become a foster mother for her. Please, Don."

"Liv, I can't say yes to that. You know we already talked about it, you can't be mom to all victims we find who don't have a family. That's impossible. And I'm also thinking ACS will turn you down. You work long and unusual hours, and Lindsay needs to go to school."

"Please Don. We went on a nice walk today and we had so much fun. I know they turned me down when I applied to adopt but it doesn't mean that I'm not a good foster mom. I would do desk duty voluntarily and you know how much I hate it. So I could do all the background checks in our cases and still work on Lindsay's case. And if I have to work longer I could arrange a Nanny or an Au Pair to work in the afternoons at home who could pick her up from school. If need to I'll move into a bigger apartment. Don, for the first time in my life I think I can do something really important, please don't push me."

"I think we should talk about this the day after tomorrow in my office. Talk to Elliot, see what he thinks about it. He has been your partner for over nine years now and I think he'd be good to talk to about all this. Please remember it's a lot of responsibility taking care of a kid. If they turn you down at ACS, please don't be too disappointed or do anything stupid. Sometimes life goes a way other than we want. What about 9 o'clock on December 27th in my office?"

"That sounds fine. Thanks for helping me Don. I know it's not easy and that you told me it's not the best thing to do but at least let me try it. If it goes wrong then I know I should have listened to you. But Lindsay deserves something really special in her childhood."

"I know Olivia. See you then soon. Have a nice evening!"

"You too Don, bye."

Both rang off and Olivia had a big smile on her face. She knew she could persuade him to say yes. She also knew the next time wouldn't be easy for all of them but they would manage it.

She went to check on Lindsay again, she was still asleep. She closed the door a little more so that she wouldn't wake up from her talking on the phone.

Then she sat down on the couch again to dial Elliot's number. He needed a little bit longer then Don to pick up, but after it had rung nine times she heard his voice.

"Stabler. Who's disturbing me so late?"

"Hey El, it's me Liv. We need to talk."

"Hi Liv. What's going on?"

"Firstly, Merry Christmas. I hope you had nice day with your family. And um…secondly, we need to talk about Lindsay. I just called Don to talk with him about what's going on and he told me I should talk to you as well."

"Okay, then start Liv. Can't wait for the important news."

"El, on Thursday I'm going to ACS to apply to be her foster mother. I won't give Lindsay back. I can't do that. I feel responsible for her and if she goes now I would feel guilty if anything happens to her again. I know that I work too much, that I'm a single and that maybe my apartment is not big enough with her here but I'm sure we'll find a solution."

Elliot tried to say something but Olivia didn't stop talking.

"No you don't need to say anything. I know that they turned me down when I applied for adoption but I this is something completely different. And I will change everything and anything that's needed if they take me into the program. That's the reason I wanted to talk to you, I'm thinking of doing desk duty for the next few weeks when it is needed. And you know how much I hate desk duty. So I could work in the morning while Lindsay is at school and in the afternoon I could pick her up from school and be there for her. And if we really need to work longer on a case then I'll also look for a Nanny or an Au Pair who can take care of her while I'm away. I'm sure it will work. And maybe I could also take a few days off when it is needed. Please say yes."

"Liv, I need to think about it. You know it won't be easy. I have five children I know what I'm talking about. I don't think that they'll take you into the program and if they don't you'll be really disappointed. You already had problems when you got the call that they turned you down for adoption. I don't think it's good if the same thing happens again. It happened for a reason, please remember that."

"I know Elliot but as I also told Don, don't say no right now. I know what I'm doing and if it goes wrong it's something I learned from."

"You know Liv, it's Christmas and I'm not in the mood to fight with you right now. Do what you think you need to do and what the best is for you. I think as soon as things are less hectic I'll come over to your place and we can talk about it again."

"Thanks Elliot, for your help so far. Have a nice evening, okay? We'll talk later."

"Yeah, okay. The same to you, Liv. Bye."

"Bye, El."

With that both rang off and Olivia lay down on her couch. She was really tired and the phone calls didn't have the outcome she wanted them to have but still she was content.

It didn't take long until she fell asleep, having a long and dreamless sleep.

**tbc.**

**A/N: Hey guys I'm so sorry that I promise to update fast and then it takes a week. The next chapter isn't typed yet so I don t know when I'll update. School keeps me busy and yeah that sucks.**

**This A/N won't be as long as the other ones. I have the question I always have and then I'm finished here:**

**I remember seeing an episode where Fin gets shot. In the beginning of the episode Liv and Fin are sitting in a car and then he goes inside a shop for some coffee and gets shot. I think it's in season 6, but I don't know which episode. Can anyone help me please? Would like to watch this ep. again.**

**So that's all for today. Thanks to all who review :) Reviews make my day. Please keep coming them! Thanks.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

**Disclaimer: All belongs to Dick Wolf and NBC and all the other people who create it**

**This chapter is for ****Lynn (LJ username is "iheartnickcath") for her support at all time :)**

Don Cragen's office: Thursday December 27, 9am

Cragen was sitting at his desk, doing paperwork when he heard a quiet knock on his door.

"Enter."

Olivia went into the office.

"Hey Liv, great to see you. How are you? Where's Lindsay?"

"I'm fine, thanks. I'm a little exhausted, Lindsay is a very lively child but everything else's okay. I took Lindsay to Elliot's house. Kathy's keeping an eye on her and I think she's playing with Lizzie and Dickie."

"That sounds great. I'm sorry but I don't have much time as I had hoped because we have a new case and Novak will be here soon. But I think we should talk about your plans… Olivia, just so you know, I really support you but I don't think it's the right thing you do… I mean – and I'll keep saying this – you can't save every victim you find. And every victim we have has gone through awful things."

"Yeah, I know. Like I mentioned Tuesday on the phone I want to change my working time. I'll go and talk to ACS and talk with Mrs Johnson there. I'll tell her that I want to be the new foster home for Lindsay and that I am also willing to work less. I thought about it again yesterday and I really would like to do desk duty. Then I can choose my working hours and can go home to Lindsay if I need to. I also thought about coming everyday from 9am to 5pm. Then I can take Lindsay to school every morning and be home by dinner time. Do you think there's a possibility of that happening?"

"I think there may be a possibility. Look, tomorrow I'll talk to the team about it and then I'll call you. You'll need a new work contract and I think you also should talk to the boss of the 16th precinct about it. I'll also write you a reference if it is needed and tell ACS that I think you will be able to manage both. I mean you're not the only mom in this precinct," he said with a smile on his face.

"Thank you so much for your support, Don. I promise I'll do my best to get both done. I called Mrs Johnson this morning after breakfast and I have an appointment with her in two hours. I'll tell her I can reduce my working hours and I really hope she will say yes. Thanks for being there for me."

"You're welcome, Olivia."

In that moment there was another knock on the door and Casey entered the office.

"Hey Liv, how are you? Great to see you. I heard about Lindsay. How is she?" Casey said.

"She's fine, thanks. She's starting to trust me, which is really good. Maybe I can get her to talk to me… but at the moment I am really busy trying to apply to be her foster mom."

"Don't tell me about being busy… it's hectic around here as always… but I wish you luck."

"Thanks Casey. It's great to know I can count on you. If you want I can call you as soon as I have some news."

"Yeah that would be great. But right now I have to talk to Don about our case."

"Yeah of course. I have to go anyway. I don't want to disturb you any longer. Thanks for your help and I'll call when I have news." With that Olivia hugged both and went out of the office where she met Elliot. She hadn't talked to him since the phone call at Christmas and she was happy to see him.

"Hey Liv. Glad to see you. How are you and Lindsay?"

"I'm fine. And Lindsay is staying at your house with Kathy and the twins. I needed a babysitter and when I called you, you had already left for work. But Kathy said she didn't mind looking after one child more and so I took Lindsay to her. I hope that's alright?"

"Of course. And what did you talk with Don about?"

"Don't be so curious, El", she said with a cute smile. "I talked to him about my new working contract. I really want Lindsay and so I'll do everything to give her the home she needs. Please El, believe me when I say I am doing the right thing. It's what I want to do…. I'm sure we'll all work together to find a solution that everyone fits."

"I know you need to do this, Liv. But I think I'll miss you when we arrest a suspect and you call him an SOB."

"Maybe Don will let me do some interviews and then I'll still have the chance to tell those rapists what bastards they are."

"Yeah maybe."

"El, I'm sorry but I have to go now. I don't want to be late for my interview with Mrs Johnson. And I don't know how much traffic is downtown…"

Yeah of course. Can you call me when you're done there?"

"Yes of course. I already promised to call Casey and Don and I think I should come by and tell everyone at once."

"I think that's a good idea. When will you pick up Lindsay?"

"As soon as I'm done at ACS."

"If you want I can bring her over to your place as soon as my shift is over. Then we'll have some time to talk about everything and yeah… just because."

"El, that's a great idea. Thanks. If I am not at home by then you'll find a second key on the – "

"- lamp left of your apartment door. Liv, I know… it's not the first time I've needed the key.

"Sure… sorry." she said with a blush. "I really have to go now. Till later."

"Yeah bye."

They gave each other a quick hug and Olivia left the precinct.

Mrs Johnson's office, 11:30am

"Good morning", Olivia said

"Good morning, Ms Benson. Please take a seat. How are you today?"

"I'm fine thanks. And so is Lindsay."

"I heard and read in your application to be her new foster mom. We already talked at the hospital about it and, as I told you then and I am telling you now, I don't think you will fit in the system. You work too much, your apartment is probably too small and you're too old."

"I don't want to start a fight because that won't give me any bonus points but really think you should give me a chance. You haven't asked me what I want to change or what I am willing to do to be her foster mom. I am living in a three-room apartment with 82m² and I've spoken to my boss about reducing my working hours and only doing desk duty. So I would be able to take her to elementary school in the morning. I would arrange a nanny, babysitter or Au Pair, whatever is needed to make sure Lindsay has someone to pick her up and look after her in the apartment and I can be home by dinner time. Please give me a chance."

"I still have your papers here from when you applied for adoption. And it's a puzzle to me why you didn't offer those things last time. I mean it seems you really want to be Lindsay's foster mom and when you had this interview in the past with one of my colleagues you never mentioned anything like that. I am not the bitch I always seem to be and so I am giving you a chance. I'll come by tomorrow morning and look at your apartment and I'll also talk to your boss and colleagues and friends. Then we can talk about it again and maybe I'll change my mind and you'll get Lindsay. But you have to know it's a long road ahead. Especially in the beginning when I have to come very often to check on both of you. And Lindsay will have to talk to loads of people and to a psychologist. Do you think you're ready for it?"

"Yes I think so. And I'm more than grateful to get that chance. And believe me I'll do everything in my power to do what's needed. But looking into Lindsay's face makes me very sad. She went through so much and I want her life to be great from now on. She deserves it."

"Every child we put into foster homes deserves a better home than it had before. And I think Lindsay's case is especially difficult as we still don't know what happened and where she lived before. And please be aware, as soon as her case is solved and we find her former home you may have to give her back."

"I know. What happens if I am turned down again?"

"Then we'll have to send her into a foster home we already have in the system and if we can't find one that fits her then we would have to take her to an orphanage. I'm sorry Ms Benson but those are the rules. And in both cases you wouldn't be allowed to stay in touch with her."

"Okay. I'll just hope for the best. Thanks for giving me the chance."

"You're welcome. I just need to know if you want me to come tomorrow at a certain time or not."

"Umm… if possible between 8 – 11am then I could take Lindsay to the playground in the afternoon."

"Yeah of course I'll try to be there. Where's Lindsay today? Who's looking after her?"

"She's at the house of one of my colleagues. His wife is looking after her and she also has playmates there."

"That's great." And with one last look at her papers Mrs Johnson said "Okay I think we're done here. I wish you and Lindsay a great day and I'll see you tomorrow. Bye."

"Bye, and thanks again."

"You're welcome."

Both women gave each other their hands and then Olivia left the office of Mrs Johnson to drive home and wait for Elliot.

----------------------------------------------------EO----------------------------------------------------

3:30pm, that afternoon

Olivia was sitting on her couch when the doorbell rang. With a last look on her watch she opened her door.

"Hey El, hey Lindsay, honey, how was your day?"

"Really great Liv." And with that she ran into her temporary bedroom to play with her dolls.

"El, you're late. I was worried when you didn't pick up your cell when I tried to call you half an hour ago."

"I'm sorry Liv but we were stuck in the traffic. My shift ended at 2pm but then I had to drive home and have a shower and Lindsay wanted a few minutes more to play with Lizzie before coming back and yeah… now I am here. I'm sorry if I scared you. It won't happen again."

"That's okay."

"How was your talk with Mrs Johnson?"

"It went better than I thought it would be. You wanna come in and have coffee with me? Then we can talk about it."

"No, I am sorry, Liv but I have an appointment at the dentist in an hour and as I mentioned the traffic is awful today. I'm not sure how long it takes and Kathy told me this morning that we have to talk about Maureen when I get back. Something's going on at her college. I'm free tomorrow, what do you think about me coming by with Lizzie tomorrow and then we could go to the playground, the girls could play and we could talk."

"Yeah, I think that's great. Hope it doesn't hurt too much at the dentist. I hate going there."

"Me too, but this time it's only a check up."

"Okay have fun. Bye"

"Bye."

And with that Elliot turned around and went down the stairs.

When Olivia went to Lindsay's room she saw her playing peacefully on her bed and didn't want to disturb her so she went back to her couch and read the next chapter of her book.

**tbc.**

**A/N: I am so sorry guys… it seems I am always breaking my promises… but there are many reasons why I didn't update earlier… my life is in chaos at the moment… so many things are going on… one of my pets died and yeah… I needed some time to recover and that's the reason I didn't update earlier. **

**This week I'm staying at home as I am ill and next week I'm heading to England but I hope I'll be able to update a new chapter before I go… but only ****if you leave me loads of reviews ;) It's not difficult… just click on the blue button and tell me what you think about that story!**

**No question today. I wish you all a good week and please review! It makes me really happy! Thanks.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:**

**Disclaimer: All belongs to Dick Wolf and NBC and all the other people who create it**

**This one's for Lynette (LJ username is famouscliche). Thanks for everything honey!**

Friday December 28, 10:00am: Olivia's apartment

The morning had been great so far. Olivia had woken up on her couch and had woken Lindsay to get ready for Mrs. Johnson's visit sometime that morning.

It was now 9:45am and Lindsay was already really nervous as she didn't know what questions Mrs. Johnson would ask and the right answers for them. She also didn't know what the right way to behave was when she would look around Liv's apartment. Everything felt like a big pressure that needed to be released, she really wanted to stay with Olivia and she knew she had to do everything right.

Fifteen minutes later the door bell rang and when Olivia opened her door Mrs. Johnson was standing there.

"Good Morning, Mrs. Johnson. Thanks for coming," Olivia said.

"Good Morning, Olivia. I think we should start immediately by looking through your apartment and then talk about everything. I have a busy morning with my next appointment at 11:30am.

"Yeah that's fine. Shall I just go through my apartment with you and explain what I would change if Lindsay stays with me?"

"Yes, that's fine."

And with that both started with Lindsay's temporary bedroom.

"So this is usually my bedroom but at the moment Lindsay is using it as she needs her own bed and space. If she stays this would become her room. I would remove all my things and buy her a desk; somewhere she could do her homework and such. And of course she would have all the toys and belongings every ten year old girl needs."

"Did she tell you she's ten? As far as I see from my notes when she stayed at the hospital she didn't tell anybody how old she is or when her birthday is."

"No not yet. But we are assuming she is. The doctor who checked her told me that she is around ten. It's possible that she's nine or eleven but I tried to get her talking about herself and every time I seem to get a step further she closes down. She still won't talk about the night I found her, but I hope when she has a home here with someone she trusts she'll open up more and start talking to me and maybe also to the psychologist Dr Huang at the precinct."

"Okay that's fine. That's also one of the reasons we want to get her into a foster home ASAP so that she feels at home and safe enough to talk about what happened. The bastard who did this to her should to be put behind bars, and mustn't ever come out again. Okay, what's the next room?"

"This would be the living room then. At the moment I am sleeping here on the couch till we find a final solution. My furniture and everything is very simple, just the way I like it. And here in this corner is my computer. Any question about the living room?"

"No, not at the moment. I would like to see the next room if possible."

"Yeah, sure. This would be this room now. It doesn't have an exactly name as I use it for a few things. It's used a guest room when someone visits and also for storage, as you can see. If Lindsay comes I would clean up this room, throw everything away I don't need anymore and make this my bedroom. Anything else you need to know?"

"No. I think it's a really good idea that you want to give Lindsay your current bedroom and move into this room. The other room is a lot brighter and bigger. I can tell you that this is a bonus point for you. Can we go visit the kitchen and the bathroom?"

"Of course we can. This way please. Okay, this is the kitchen. I love cooking, though haven't done it for a while. I usually go grocery shopping on the weekends and cook for the week. Any questions about it?"

"No, please show me the bathroom now."

"Okay here we go. This is the bathroom. I have a shower and a bathtub and a washing machine and everything else you need in a bathroom. I also have a little cupboard in here."

"Looks great. Everything is clean and also easy to reach for Lindsay. I think we should go back to the living room and talk. I have only half an hour left."

"Of course. Would you like some tea or coffee or eat something?"

"No thanks I'm fine."

When they reached the living room Lindsay was sitting quietly on the couch. When the doorbell had rung she went with Olivia to the door but decided then to stay in one place and be quiet.

"Hi Lindsay, how are you?" Mrs Johnson asked when she entered the living room.

"I'm fine."

"Do you want to tell a little bit about Olivia and how you feel here?"

"Umm… I don't know. Olivia is very nice to me. She gave me her old teddy bear when I missed Charlie but Charlie found me this Christmas and lay under the tree. And I like my room. Olivia is always there for me. She plays with me a lot and she cooks really well. Can I go play now, please?

"Of course honey, no problem. Have fun."

"Thanks." And with that Lindsay hurried to leave the room.

Olivia and Mrs. Johnson said down on the couch and Mrs. Johnson opened her notebook.

"I'll ask you a few questions now and I need you to answer them as well as you can. They are very important. Do you understand that?"

"Yes, of course."

"Firstly, I want to check a few things before we come to the second part. You know you need a reference from your doctor that shows you're healthy enough. Then I need a reference from four other people, one at least has to be from your boss, about the others you can decide but I need their names so I can talk to them."

"My doctor's name is Ryan Spencer. My boss' name is Donald Cragen. I'll also provide you with references from Casey Novak, Elliot Stabler and Melinda Warner. All are colleagues of mine and work every day with me so they know me best."

"Okay, then we can go to the second part, things you would organize for Lindsay. What about school, someone who looks after her when you work longer etc?"

"I already phoned an elementary school which is three blocks away from here and asked if they have a free place and they have one. They have an excellent reputation and I'm sure Lindsay would like it. The twins of my colleague Elliot also attend that school and their parents are very pleased about it as there is no violence etc. One of my neighbors who is a single mom and stays at home and I asked her already is she would be able to watch Lindsay while I worked and she said yes. And as my partner's children attend that school I'm sure Kathy, his wife, would also take Lindsay home with her if no one else can."

"Okay. And what do you plan to do with Lindsay in your spare time?"

"Of course the most important thing is that she recovers. I would give her all the time she needs and make sure she received the necessary counseling and medical support. I would support her with her schooling and ensure she completed all her homework. But I also want to spend lots of time with her just hanging out, you know at the playground, cook with her, read books with her. You know, just have fun. I also could imagine going to the park on the weekends or visiting the zoo with her."

"What if Lindsay becomes ill? What would you do then?"

"I'd take her to a doctor, if necessary, and then take days off work so that I could stay at home and look after her."

"Okay I think that's all I need at the moment. If there's anything else I'll call you. You'll need to send me your doctor's reference by Wednesday, January 3rd. You don't need to do anything else. About the talks and references from you're colleagues you don't need to worry, I'll call them. I'll send you my decision by Friday, January 5th. If you get a "yes" you have one month to arrange everything, which means to get Lindsay's and your bedrooms sorted. I'll come the first month weekly to check and I'll never call before I come. And in the case that everything goes well I only need to know once a month through a phone call how everything's going. And of course I need to know if you get news on her case or if she starts talking at her appointments with Dr Huang. So…. I think that was all. Do you have any questions?"

"No, not at the moment, thanks. I'll call you if I need to know anything. Thanks for your help and support. I can't wait for your phone call next week. I hope it will be positive."

"I can't tell you that but I think you shouldn't think too much about it. Enjoy your time with Lindsay as much as you can, as this may end in the opposite way to what you hope for. I really have to go now, sorry. I don't want to be late to my next appointment and the traffic today is awful as always here in NYC. Bye."

"Bye and thanks again."

"You're welcome."

When Lindsay heard the door shut she came out of her room.

"And?? What did she say?"

"Nothing honey."

"Livvy, please. Please. I want to know if I made a good impression on her."

"Of course you did. A week today we'll get the decision and I need you to be very brave if she turns me down. I answered all her questions but I'm still not sure if it will work out, okay?"

"Yeah… can we go to the playground now?"

"Yeah we can do that. Do you need help putting on your jacket or do you can do that alone?"

"Alone of course."

Ten minutes later they were on their way to the playground and both were wrapped up in different thoughts. Both were scared that there was a possibility that they would have to leave each other and so both weren't in a good mood. Half an hour later they were already on their way back. When they arrived at Olivia's apartment, Lindsay immediately locked herself in her room.

"Honey, are you okay? What happened?"

"Leave me alone Liv. I don't want to leave you."

"Oh please… we have one week left until we get the decision, so please don't start crying because of something we don't know for certain. Why don't you come out and I'll make us a hot chocolate and we can talk about it?"

"No, I don't want to. Charlie needs me now. I promise I'll come out but please leave me alone now. I'll draw you a beautiful picture okay?"

"Yeah that would be great. I'm going now into the bathroom and will have a hot bath so please don't be worried if you come out and don't find me immediately. I'll be finished in half an hour. And then we could watch a DVD if you want. Okay?"

"OK."

With that Olivia went into the bathroom and opened the tap at her bathtub to release hot water. She poured a little bit of bath foam which smelled like roses into her water and then undressed before laying in her bath. Fifteen minutes later she already felt a lot better. She knew she had to be strong for Lindsay. And if Mrs. Johnson turned her down she also had to be strong to show her that life goes on, no matter what happens. She decided to shave her legs as she hadn't done that for quite a long time but couldn't find her razor. She was sure it had to be on the bath edge but it wasn't there. She couldn't remember if she had put it away because of Lindsay or if she had thrown it away after last time. It was a little bit strange but she didn't think much about it. Maybe it had fallen down and then she had thrown it away. That wouldn't be the first time. So she would leave her legs as they were and buy a new one next time she went shopping.

After drying and dressing she went into the kitchen to make hot chocolate.

Lindsay was already sitting at the table in the kitchen and showed her the picture she had drawn. Olivia could see a sun and a beach and a blue sea. It was beautiful.

"Do you like it?"

"Yeah honey, it's beautiful. What movie do you wanna watch now?"

"Lion King."

"But we've seen this movie twice already. Don't you think we should watch another one? I also have Happy Feet."

"No Liv, Lion King is great. I like it."

"Okay then we'll watch it." With that both went with their hot chocolate and some cookies into the living room to watch the movie and enjoy a great afternoon.

---------------------------------------------------EO-------------------------------------------------

Monday December 31st, 11:50pm: Olivia's rooftop

It was New Year's Eve and Olivia had decided to take Lindsay onto the rooftop of her house to see the great firework over NY.

It was only ten minutes left till 2008 would come and both were nervous. What would the new year bring?

"And honey, what do you wish for the New Year?" Olivia said.

"To stay forever with you. I want you to become my new mom."

Olivia had the same thought. She wished nothing more than to become Lindsay's foster mom, but she had to wait five more days for the answer.

A few minutes later they heard the bell of the church close to Olivia's home ring. It was midnight, the New Year had begun. The big fireworks started and they were just beautiful.

"Happy New Year, Lindsay."

"Happy New Year, Olivia."

And both stood there, hand in hand, watching the fireworks.

What would the New Year bring?

**A/N: So this is now the last chapter**** for at least three or four weeks. I'm flying to England Friday and I'll stay there for 2.5 weeks. As I am doing a work experience there and live with a host family I won't have any time to type. Sorry. But I promise I'll do my best and update loads and loads when I'm back and before my exams in May/June begin.**

**And I also want to warn all of you (especially those who have a problem with it) that in the in the next chapter the self-harming starts. I describe it very exactly and I don't want to trigger anyone. If you can't stand it please don't read it.**

**Again no question.**

**I wish you all a wonderful time and it would be great if you would keep the reviews coming. ****Thanks.**


	9. Author's Note to this Story

**A/N: Hey Guys! I'm really sorry to disappoint you right now ****(probably again?) but I won't post any further chapters to this story. I have no longer a Beta Reader and I don't want to take anyone else from this website (nothing personal) it's just that I trusted her so much that I don't want anyone else to see my uncorrected story (especially when I write about self harming and cutting).**

**And I'm already back from England (for personal reasons) and my private life is a chaos at the moment which is the reason I really don't feel like writing. SORRY.**

**Probably in a few months I feel better and will continue writing, but not now.**


	10. Chapter 9

In the Ghetto

**Disclaimer: All belongs to Dick Wolf and NBC and all the other people who create it**

**Summary Chapter 1-8: **Olivia finds a little girl that has been raped and injured and after a short stay in hospital she decides that she wants to be the foster mom of Lindsay. It proves really difficult to get some information from the girl, about what happened, who old she is etc. but Olivia doesn't give up and wins Lindsay's heart. As Liv is really stubborn she manages to give Lindsay a temporary home so that she doesn't have to go into foster care. Living together proves difficult at first, but then both enjoy the time. Now it is time for ACS to decide if Lindsay and can stay with Olivia or not. *Chapter nine has the answer.*

**Warning: If you are a self-harmer, you may find parts of this chapter (and the following ones) triggering. Please take responsibility for your own safety. **

Chapter 9:

This chapter is for Lynette – Happy belated birthday hon!

A big thank you to **nettiec** for beta reading this story!

Friday, January 4 – Olivia's apartment (9am)

_Lindsay:_

_I'm all alone at home. Olivia went to the grocery store to get some food. She asked me if I want to come with her but I told her I'm not feeling very well today. So, she made me some tea and said I should get some rest. Now, I am sitting here on my bed, afraid of what will come today. I think Olivia is as nervous as I am, she just doesn't show it. We talked a lot about it this week, about what will happen if Olivia is turned down by ACS. I don't want to leave her. I went though all of this already, after my parents died, when I was 5. With Olivia I feel safe, and I don't want to leave her. I know exactly what my name is, when my birthday is and what happened the night she found me. But if I tell her she will send me back from where I came from. And I hate that place; I don't want to return there, ever again. _

_We did loads of things this week, things I enjoyed a lot. We went to the playground a lot and also watched some DVDs. Every night before I went to bed she read a fairytale to me. Olivia also worked part time this week as she said they had a difficult case where her help was needed. Before she left for work she always dropped me off at Kathy and Elliot's home. I like it there. Eli, the baby is really cute and when Lizzie and Dickie are back from school we usually play something together. _

_And now I am here. Alone and afraid when the phone rings, because it might be Mrs Johnson from ACS. And she could say no. _

_A few days ago I took Olivia's razor from the bathroom into my room. I managed to get the blade out from the razor without injuring myself. I put both parts into the night stand next to my bed under the old diaries of Olivia. _

_And now I'm holding the blade in my hand. I've lived in foster care before and my foster sister, Shary, who shared the room with me cut herself almost every day. I saw it often because she never cared if I was in the room or not. She said it helped her feel better. I want to feel better too. I just hope Olivia doesn't see it. Shary always told me not to tell anybody about it because it was bad. _

_I am rolling one up leg of my trousers. There are still all the scars from the night I was raped so it does not matter if I cut myself there now. I hesitate for a moment but then the feeling is just too overwhelming. I place the blade near my knee and then I just cut. I don't push a lot but it really hurts. It doesn't take long until I see the blood coming out of the cut. I like the colour and the cut doesn't hurt anymore. I feel relieved but I have to do it again. I place the blade again and do five more cuts. It doesn't bleed much but it still makes me feel good. I see the blood running down my leg. The bad feeling I had inside me is almost gone. Shary was right, it feels better. I see now the things I am scared of as a cut on my leg. When some blood drips on the bed sheet I realize how stupid what I've done is. How am I to explain that to Olivia? Why didn't I think before I did it? I should have taken some tissues to the bed. I try with one had to keep the blood from dripping on the sheets and with the other hand I rummage around in Olivia's nightstand to find some tissues. I find a few and take them to clean away the mess. I also push them into the cuts to stop the bleeding. On the one hand, I feel guilty that I did it and I know I also hurt Olivia with it but, on the other hand, I am less scared now. I found a way to express my feelings. A bad way. _

_My only problem now is to clean away the mess. I throw the bloody tissues under some other trash in the rubbish bin and then I hide the bloody blade again under Olivia's diaries. I don't know how to feel. I'm exhausted. I lay back and fall asleep…_

------------------------------------------------ EO ----------------------------------------------------

At 10:30am Olivia was back from the grocery store. The fridge was almost empty so she had made a list what they would eat the next week. She hoped all the planning of what they would do next was a positive sign and would give Lindsay a feeling that everything would end in a good way.

When she opened the door everything was quiet. She was a bit surprised about that because usually she heard Lindsay around somewhere. She never left her alone for long, only when she took the rubbish down or collecting letters from the letter box. When she looked into Lindsay's room she saw the girl was asleep. So, Olivia closed the door quietly and went to the kitchen to put the food into the fridge. On the way to the kitchen she checked her answering machine but no one had called or left a message. She wondered when Mrs Johnson would call. It was unbearable for her to wait that long. She needed the decision now so she could plan what would come next. She didn't want to lose Lindsay, she already changed her life so much. It also gave her a reason to see Elliot more than usual as Lindsay often played in the mornings or afternoons with Lizzie and the baby and so sometimes they spent more time than she planned at Elliot's house.

When she went back to the living room she checked on Lindsay again. She was still asleep which was pretty unusual for her. Olivia knew that Lindsay had said earlier she didn't feel very well but she had thought she was afraid of the outcome today, just like she was. Now she hoped Lindsay wasn't sick. To let her go like that would be awful. Not knowing what to do with the time while she waited for the phone call, Olivia decided to tidy the apartment.

It didn't take long and half an hour later she was done. It was now two weeks after Christmas and so Liv started to take the decorations down of the tree. She was sure Lindsay would be sad when she saw it, but they couldn't keep the tree forever.

She was half way done when her cell rang. Her heart started beating faster and she felt a little bit dizzy. When she pulled the phone from her belt she didn't recognize the number. That must be Mrs Johnson from ACS.

"Benson?"

"Hello Ms Benson. My name is Ashley Brown, I'm from ACS. I'm your case worker and the one who decides if we take a family into the program or not. I checked your application and the references from your GP and colleagues and I come to the decision that we'll try it and give you the permission to be Lindsay's foster mom."

"Oh god, yes!", Olivia exclaimed.

"I'm not finished yet, Ms Benson, please don't interrupt me. We 'try it' means you have three months to fulfil all requirements. If there are any problems we take Lindsay with us and give her to another family. One of my colleagues will check weekly on both of you, without notice beforehand. We also give you two weeks to arrange a school for Lindsay which she will attend regularly and also prepare Lindsay's room as you said it would be in the interview with Mrs Johnson. We expect that Lindsay will go twice a week to a counsellor who will send us a report on how she's doing. You can choose the counsellor which suits you. Okay, that's all for now. We'll send a letter with all the details and deadlines. Any questions?"

"Um… no, not at the moment. You have just made Lindsay and I really happy. Thank you so much for trusting me."

"You are welcome. Have a nice day, and we'll speak soon again."

"Yeah thanks, you too. Bye."

"Bye."

Both rang off and Olivia was so happy that she sat down on the carpet in the living room and started crying. She had an aim and she had reached it.

------------------------------------------------EO----------------------------------------------------

When Lindsay awoke she heard a noise from the living room. She didn't know how long she had been sleeping, but she assumed that Olivia was already back from the grocery store.

When she got up she felt some pain in her left leg. Immediately she remembered what she had done earlier. She checked if there was anything to see, but she couldn't find anything except for the small blood traces on her sheet. Carefully she pulled the blanket over it and left her bedroom.

The first thing she saw was Olivia sitting on the carpet, crying. Then she had a look at the clock and saw how much time had passed since Olivia had been to the grocery store. Mrs Johnson must have called already and turned her down. Oh god, that couldn't be true, she didn't want to leave Olivia. In the few minutes Lindsay had been standing in the door way Olivia hadn't noticed her and so she decided to sneak out of the apartment. Fortunately Olivia hadn't locked the door and it was easy for Lindsay to get out. She let the door fall shut and just started running down the stairs, far away.

--------------------------------------------EO--------------------------------------------------

Olivia was wrapped up in her thoughts of what to do next and how to tell Lindsay the great news when she suddenly heard a noise. She stood up and turned around and saw that Lindsay's door was open but the bedroom was empty. Quickly, she checked her apartment but the girl was nowhere.

"Linds, where are you?"

She got no response. Then she realized that the noise she had heard must have come from her closing apartment door. Maybe Lindsay saw her crying and thought she would have to leave her? She just hoped she wouldn't do anything stupid.

Quickly, she grabbed her jacket and left her apartment. When she reached the street she looked in every direction but couldn't see her. She decided to walk in north direction to Central Park but there was no trace of Lindsay. She even asked a few pedestrians for help but they hadn't seen her either. She needed help finding Lindsay and so she pulled her cell out of her belt and called Elliott.

"Stabler?"

"El, it's me Liv. I need your help. Half an hour ago I got a call from ACS and they said I can have Lindsay and –"

"Liv that's great, congrats."

"El, please don't interrupt me, I'm not finished yet. After the phone call I started crying, just because I was so happy that finally my dream was coming true but Linds must have seen that and probably thinks now I've been turned down. She ran away and I can't find her. Please help me. If ACS finds out they will really take her away."

"Where are you at the moment?"

"I'm near Central Park. I've walked up north from my apartment. I don't think Lindsay really knows where she is or where to go and I'm so afraid something might happen to her."

"Okay Liv, please calm down. I'll call Fin and then we'll start searching from your apartment in different directions. I'll call every fifteen minutes with news, alright?"

"Okay, thank you so much. You know, if I can do something for you, let me know."

"I know Liv. Good luck now. I'll call you when I arrive with Fin at your apartment. Bye."

"Bye."

After she hang up she felt a little bit relieved. At least she wasn't all alone now. After walking around for then more minutes it suddenly stuck her that Lindsay might have gone to the playground which was only two blocks away from her home and as they had been there almost every day she was quite sure that Lindsay knew the way.

A few minutes later Olivia arrived at the playground. At first she couldn't see her and already thought she had gone somewhere else but then she spotted her sitting on a swing and ran to her.

"Lindsay, hon, what are you doing here?"

"Leave me alone. Go away."

"No I'm not going anywhere without you. You must be freezing."

Olivia saw that Lindsay's face was all wet and red from all the crying. She also saw that she wasn't wearing a jacket or shoes. Quickly, she took her coat off and wrapped it around Lindsay.

"I said go away and leave me alone!"

"I know but I can't. You can't be sitting out here without a jacket or shoes. What were you thinking when you sneaked out of the apartment?"

In that moment Olivia's cell rang and it saved Lindsay from answering the question. When she picked up she heard Elliot's voice.

"Liv, it's Elliot. Fin and I are at your apartment now. We have already started searching but we haven't seen her so far. Any news from your side?"

"Elliot, I'm so relieved, I just found her. She ran to the playground near my apartment. But she's not wearing a jacket or shoes. Is it possible to pick us up?"

"Sure. I'll call Fin and we'll pick you up in five minutes."

"Thank you so much for all your help. Bye."

In the meantime Lindsay had started to shake and so Olivia picked her up from the swing and wrapped her tighter into her coat before she sat together with her on the swing.

"Hon, I think I have to explain you a few things. Or do you want to answer my question first?"

"No."

"Okay. I think I know why you ran away. You saw me crying, didn't you?"

Lindsay only nodded.

"And you assumed that it meant Mrs Johnson will come this afternoon and pick you up as we had already talked about this option, if they turned me down, right?"

Lindsay nodded again.

"Ok, then listen now, really carefully. I did get a phone call from ACS but not from Mrs Johnson. The name of the lady I spoke to was Ashley Brown. She's the one who investigates every case and makes the final decision. And she said yes! That was the reason I was sitting there crying, because I was so happy. I don't know if you have heard of it before, but some people cry when they are really happy. It's just I was so overwhelmed by it all and I was crying, but it was through happiness. I'm sorry you got the wrong impression and ran away but please promise me something, never, ever, do it again. If there's anything you don't understand please ask me first, alright?"

A very quiet "yes" came from Lindsay.

"I'll keep my promise and never leave you alone, hon. Mrs Brown said I have three months to fulfil everything and if we're doing fine you can stay with me. I'm not sure if it will be forever but I guess at least until you finish High School."

In that moment Liv saw Fin and El entering the playground and Olivia stood up to carry Lindsay towards them. Fin spoke first.

"Liv, you must be freezing without a jacket. Your lips are blue."

"No I'm fine, really. Take care of Linds that's more important."

Olivia gave Lindsay to Fin and then went to Elliot.

"Thank you so much El, I wouldn't know what to do without you. I was so scared that something might have happened to her. I…"

"Shh, Liv, it's okay. You know I'm always here for you if you need me. And I know how important it is for to take care for Lindsay."

He wrapped his arm around her to warm her until they reached the car. Olivia sat with Lindsay in the back of the car while Fin and Elliot sat in the front. It took only a few minutes before they arrived at Olivia's apartment. Fin carried the exhausted Lindsay upstairs, followed by Olivia and Elliot.

They sat down on her couch for a few minutes and remained silent. Olivia wrapped a blanket around Lindsay and gave her a chocolate bar which lay on the table. Then she decided to make coffee them, as well as hot chocolate for Lindsay.

No one knew what to say while they sat there, so after Fin and El had emptied their cups they decided to go back home. In the meantime, Lindsay had fallen asleep and looked very peaceful.

"Okay, Liv, take care and call me if you need anything. I'm glad we found her."

"Thanks El, I will. It means a lot that you helped. Are you interested in going to the park with us?"

"Sorry, Kathy already has planned something else for the day. But maybe tomorrow?"

"That sounds great, I'll call you tonight and then you can say when you'll come over."

"Alright, bye." He gave her a kiss on her forehead and then he left with Fin.

Olivia snuggled closer to Lindsay and thought about the last few days. It didn't take long until she drifted off herself. They now had enough time to be together and plan the next few months.

tbc.

**A/N: So this is chapter 9. I hope you all like it. Reviews are much appreciated.  
I also want to apologize profusely that it took me so long to update again. When I said I need a break I never thought it would be for such a long time. There are still some personal issues I'm struggling with, but I can promise you all I'll update now more regularly. There will be breaks during my exam times (the next three weeks and then in June) but no longer than one month**** I think. I'm currently writing another SVU story, it doesn't have a title yet but it is about Liv being in a coma. So please check that one out as well if you are interested. I wish you all a great week!! 3**

**Thanks for all who alerted this story and didn't give up hope that one day I****'d continue to update! It means a lot to me.**


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